Wednesday, November 02, 2005


Okay, so tonight I noticed there was standing water in the sink with nothing visibly preventing the water from flowing down properly. Where do you start? Well, conventional wisdom would suggest ordering up a bottle of Drano Max Gel. Well, being the conventional fella, I had my lovely wife swipe a bottle from the store. Upon getting back, I poured the entire bottle in the sink as it instructs on the back. Let it sit for 15 minutes and I return to the sink. No action. Still standing water. I scratch my head for a moment and then dash out to the garage where I keep my junior high school-strength plunger given to me by the Myles family at my tool shower prior to my wedding. I begin plunging like no tomorrow. Push, pull, push, pull, push, pull. The sink fills up with a mess of floating objects. I almost dry heave it's so disgusting. Still, no movement. No water going down. Then, I lift my foot to notice I'm standing in a puddle of stanking water. Walk over to the dishwater to notice the dishwasher is completely full of water and it's just dripping off the bottom lip.

I scratch my head some more. Now, I'm in it shoulder deep. And it's about 10pm. No one to call. What do you do now? I snag a mop, a bucket and a pan and begin transferring the water off the floor, from in the sink and in the dishwasher into the bucket. I figured it would just help in assessing the situation. Of course, once I'm to the assessment step, I didn't know what I was going to do. I certainly couldn't let my wife think I didn't have a clue. I struggle with my gameplan while my lovely wife asks "What are you gonna do?" Uh, think quick, think quick. "Well, we could get the snake and rattle it down in there and see if we can dislodge ("dislodge" is a great word for showing your plumbing skillz) whatever's in the sink." Good answer. Hang in there. I finish mopping up the floor and now it's time to act. What do I do? I head to the living room for my "Home Improvement for Dummies" book. Find out, my wife's already got it and she's reading for a remedy.

A few minutes later, she says, "There's a few things we can do." Now, she's driving the car and all I can do is sit back and look helpful. We grab the bucket, position it under the little pipe that curls under the sink (no laughing, that's the only way I could describe the damned thing). My lovely wife begins unscrewing the pipe. She removes it and hands it to me. Yahtzee!

I stick my finger into this orange mushy mass and then it dawns on me, not only did we discover the cause of the problem, but we also discovered something that DRANO CANNOT CONQUER. The night before, I cooked up about three pounds of taco meat and drained the meat before storing it in the fridge by pouring it into a collendar (sp?) and letting the access run down the sink. Seems I should've helped it down with a little hot water, but I didn't do that. So the grease settles in the pipe and hardens over night. (Nicole Richie is straight anorexic, sorry, she was just on VH1--daddy needs to set her straight) And with all of my plunging, I basically rolled the mass into a crazy grease twinkie. It was so disgusting.

A few lessons to learn here, before your wife is about to take the morning off to invite a plumber named Carl to suck $200 out of your backpocket, consult a "for Dummies" book. They actually work.

Secondly, Drano will not remove taco grease.

Thirdly, what's can clog the sink would do the same to your intestines. Better in the sink than in your body, just know how to get it gone.

Lastly, find an appropriate place to drain your meat. Perhaps a toilet. Sorry, I couldn't help myself.

Celtics win their season opener against the Knicks in overtime. 1-0 on the way to a World Championship.


TX said...

Good use of the word "dislodge". I recall a time when I had to go to UMC to get them to "dislodge" and anvil that had gotten stuck in my colon.

sarahsmile3 said...

Put your grease in a coffe can. NO GREASE IN THE SINK, unless you are renting your house.