MY LOVELY WIFE AND HER UNWAVERING DETEST FOR ZACK MORRIS

In a recent conversation over dinner, my lovely wife, in what I insist must have been a moment of rare thoughtlessness, mentioned that she thought not only was Zack Morris a horrible actor on Saved by the Bell, but he still is a horrible actor on NYPD Blue. I can hear the gasps through my monitor. But she didn't stop there. She even wished upon him the worst of all possible consequences ever--the tragic Bonaduce ending. She said, "Yeah, Gary Coleman ended up as a parking lot security guard, I would want worse for Zack Morris." She couldn't even call him by his real name, Mark Paul Gossallar. She wanted for poor Mark Paul cocaine binges, prostitutes, an attempted suicide, multiple failed runs at rehab, assault charges, alcoholism, crippling mental illness, abnormal weight gain, a horrible near life-ending car crash and then end it all with a hugely unsuccessful radio talk show in some small market in rural Iowa (wait, isn't all Iowa rural?). It kills me. It really does.

I couldn't explain where this was coming from. All these years I've known this woman, my lovely wife, and would've never seen this coming. She hates Zack Morris.

The thespian who we now know as Mark Paul Gossallar happens to be one of the finest actors ever to grace the small screen both in his previous role of Zack Morris on the incredible Saved by the Bell and as, uh, one of those cops on NYPD Blue. Deny his greatness and deny your own existence.

STOP FRONTIN'.