Friday, February 24, 2006


I'm standing in the bathroom washing my hands and a co-worker walks behind me, delivering the standard "Whaddya up to?"

My response, as I grab a couple of paper towels to dry my hands, "Nothing, how about yourself?"

Co-worker pauses, almost in confusion. Then, almost if agitated, he replied: "Well, I'm in the bathroom!"

Look, man, don't get act like I was the one that asked the stupid question in the first place. And, furthermore, don't ask questions like that if you're not prepared for the bounceback. A simple "hello" would have sufficed, but he had to interrogate me instead. Look, for guys, to ask anything in the bathroom besides "You got more toilet paper on your side?" is inappropriate. That's the one place in the office that you're not expected to think and when someone asks us, "what's up?" you're gonna answer in the quickest and most thoughtless way possible. I'm not gonna tell this dude what I'm really up to. Why should I? Well, the best reason is because I'm doing something that doesn't really deserve detail, an explanation. Plus, guys are really weird about conversation or eye-contact in the bathroom. You could see your best friend come in as you're leaving and you'll be damned if you're gonna say anything to him. You might even act like he doesn't exist--like he's invisible. The bathroom is the last place for questions, surveys or interrogations. In short, keep the questions for when you pass me in the hallway.

There's always that guy. Don't be that guy or I'll sick Mista Chuck on you and you don't want that.

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