Monday, September 10, 2007


As is the tale of my life these days, one week ends and goes completely unaccounted for just as another one starts. But luckily for you, ol' boy has enough presence to at least drop a line to give you a run down. Yeah, you're still waiting on a few promised posts and I'll hope to nail them out this week, but for now, you're just gonna get it raw.

The VMA's officially sucked. I don't understand the Britney performance at all. I wasn't going to say she looked "out-of-shape" because I don't normally say that about women, but I read it this morning so I'll simply quote it: "she looked out of shape." Just another Jive trainwreck. I apparently missed Tommy Lee and Kid Rock fighting in the audience over Pamela Anderson. And that was a highlight. Justin brought it down with a few performances though. At least someone knows how to capitalize on the exposure. Otherwise, this award show was garbage and, the best part is that this was supposed to be the rejuvenated VMA's. Whatever. It sucked.

September 11th is nearing again. Still haven't found Bin Laden.

The next hurricane/tropical storm will be named "Humberto." I guess we ran out of "H" names.

Kanye and Fiddy drop this week. I don't really care who wins at this point. I'm just hoping they both scan about 600,000 each so retail can get a much needed boost. At the VMA's last night they appeared on stage and acted like they hated each other, but no one believes it. This is purely a marketing scheme and is indicative of an industry that has lost its way and is confused about how to sell the next hit. This ploy is the most childish and laughable attempt to sell records short of faking their own deaths. You'd wish the albums would sell on their own individual artistic merit, but c'mon, this is hip hop. I'm sure the Kanye will have something to offer. Not sure about the Fiddy. Haven't heard either yet.

How awesome is this story: we ordered a coffee table/trunk thingy from Sofa Mart about three months ago as part of our anniversary (fifth anniversary=wood) and had yet to receive it. My lovely wife decides to call out of the blue this weekend to see if it had arrived. "Yep, it's here," says some fella on the other end of the line. Which begs the obvious question, "How long had it been there without us being contacted?" Whatever, I'm not going to get bent out of shape over it. We'll just go pick it up. So we go out there and pull up to the docks out back. There's about three dudes walking about at about quarter-to-half speed throwing empty boxes and glaring meanly at cars pulling up. My lovely wife volunteers to hop out and ask these guys where our coffee table/trunk thingy is. She stands up there for about five minutes before anyone even speaks to her at which point they just point to another door on the back of the building and then get back to work. Another few minutes later, the door opens and a man silently walks out of the door, opens up a bay door, brings a large box to the end of the dock and just stands there right in front of us and doesn't say a word. I'm thinking, "Hey Rain Man, do you want me to pull up or something?" Instead, I just blurt out to him rudely because, well, I see this as an unsalvageable experience: "Dude, you want me to back up?" to which he replies, "Yeah." I do so and then help him slide it into the back of my lovely wife's Toyota. We close the door and drive off. Look, I'm not asking for a shoulder rub or a hot cup of coffee, but why am I being punished? Because I spent a couple hundred of dollars at your second-rate furniture store and waited patiently for three months for you to deliver a product and then had to call ourselves to find out it had been in for two weeks? Yeah, I guess you're right, I really deserve to be mistreated. Customer service is officially dead. Just expect to do it yourself.

Oprah's backing Obama.

I just read that Kanye, upset over the fact that he didn't get to perform on the main stage at the VMA's but instead performed in a suite, said that he'd "never return to MTV." Alright, Kanye. Alright.

Tucker's getting his marbles taken off this week. Yeah, he will officially become a woman on Friday. Anyone that wants to leave condolences and concern in the comment section, I'll see that they get to him.

Please don't take my testicles.


TX said...

Nice banner. Very nice.

Would love to take the time to compose an "Ode to Tucker's Testes", but ain't got the time. Laterz.

Jeremy said...

have you seen this?

good wu action

Jace Alexander said...

I remeber when Ray lost his boys, ever since he has been a totally different dog.

wait a second....

K-Fleet said...

Big Tuck, just because they're gone, it doesn't mean you can't continue to lick that area in remembrance, you still got your frank, just no beans.

Anonymous said...

J3... Did you really type this in 30 minutes?? Damn! I can't even read it in 30 minutes! Very impresssive, Luke.

OK, so you are starting to sound really bitter about the music biz, can't we laugh and toast on the way down, say like the band playing as the Titanic sank...

Lastly, so sorry about your coconuts, Tucker. Yes, I guess you'll have to be classified as a woman now, and a straight one at that, because without them you don't even qualify as a lesbian. Sorry dude, we dikes are "bawlsy"!