ANDY GLADIATOR

Meet Andy. Andy Konigsmark.

Andy is a good friend of my brother. They met while at seminary out in Pasadena, Cali. He's a minister, a stand-up comedian and, now, an American Gladiator. Tonight, my lovely wife and I were sitting down after dinner to watch a little television. She snagged the remote away from me to keep me from searching and she began searching herself--starting with the major networks. Tonight, on NBC, the new heavyweight American Gladiators, was airing. My brother had told me that Andy was going to be on. And whaddya know, there's Andy. Andy was a substitute for an injured kid named Adam.

Let's rewind this real quick. My lovely wife and I met Andy briefly while out in Pasadena visiting my brother (actually, for the devoted Root Down Reader--this was the hell trip that my brother and I almost died on in the cab of a Penske truck). Andy was in the same housing unit as my brother. In fact, we also had dinner with him--beer butt chicken. He was a pleasurable fella. And ripped. Dude was just col' ripped. His name was Andy.

Andy, in his many ventures, found himself on American Gladiators--in front of millions of gazing eyes. This was a little bigger than when my brother was spotted in the crowd of The Price is Right. Just a little. See deeper in The Root Down for that recap.

Replacing the injured Adam, Andy started in the hole. He fought ferociously to gain on his competitor. Also met the great Hulk Hogan. But Andy wasn't having too much success out of the gate. His first competition was against some dude named "Titan" who looked European on the platform joust. Andy gave a good fight, however, was knocked into the water.

Next event was the "run-across-the-slippery-bridge-while-dudes-named-'Mayhem'-and-'Wolf'-chunk-big-balls-at-you" competition (pause). Andy tied his opponent in this contest. Then he lasted longer than his opponent yet failed to sink the gladiator in the "throw-balls-at-the-gladiator-to-try-to-launch-him-into-the-water." So, in the end, Andy went up against his opponent in the "Eliminator" in which, by virtue of his point lead, his opponent received a four-second headstart. Winner goes on. Loser goes home.

Would you believe that Andy smoked this kid like a pig on a stick. It happened when Andy hit the water and swam under the fire (I know, this just sounds stupid). Andy swam like a freakin tadpole. In the end, he was done and doing his interview after finishing the Eliminator by the time his opponent crawled across the finish line. Andy even paused and gave props to his opponent as he finished. Andy's a pimp. I'm a fan.

Turns out that Andy's Eliminator time was the best this season. From a replacement to a champion? We'll see. But he's still alive. And he met Hulk Hogan. Atta boy, Andy. Atta boy.