IT'S LIKE FLARE...FOR YOUR LAWN

I heard the begging long enough and, now I present to you (proudly), my neighbors lawn and his ornate decour. Look, this thing is a nightmare. I've been trying to be nice, I really have. But I've had it. My tolerance level has peaked and duke's gotta start finding another neighborhood to put up his farm animals and pinwheels. Geez, what in the hell does it all mean? For reference, please click on the image below for detail. This dude is bono fied crazy. I mean, he's done lost it. Every morning, this cat comes out and puts up his fake dog, his armadillo, his family of deer, his three flags, his birdhouse, his squirrel, his windmill, his wooden well, his boot that holds flowers--everything--and then at about seven each evening, he comes out and picks it all up. It's like all this garbage has about eleven hours to shine and then he comes out and says, "Good game," and puts all this ish back in his garage and packs it up for the night. Now, I hate to bag on a dude that has proudly served the country in combat, but am I the only one that thinks this is just overboard? My lovely wife (who usually is very collected) is thinking about making a verbal (terroristic) threat. This is the same homegrown that sweeps up his leaves in the autumn one at a time. I keep thinking tomorrow I'll go over and give him a job sweeping my lawn of leaves and cigarette butts one at a time. Better yet, if he's such a fan of cleaning up, he can pick up "Tucker Tots" in my back yard.

I have a hard time understanding this type of behavior. Homie just needs a girlfriend. Or a subscription to Netflix. Look, I'd rather live next to a cat cooking meth than this dude. At least they lay low. I'm afraid to plant anything out front for fear he's going to take it as a pissing contest and then roll a tank out into his front yard. Love on ya' neighbor, but know that part of loving them is letting them know when its time to seek counseling. Put the toy deer up and go see someone--psychologically or romantically. Better yet, make it both.

Love you. Have a good Friday. Wolf post coming as soon as Danger Mahan can get me some video footage. Dude, you're col' slipping.