Sunday, March 22, 2009


So, my lovely wife and I are at the dog park yesterday letting the boys run off some of that brutal and tireless beagle steam. Some moron with a pair of pit bulls (both on heavy chains) walks in and I'm thinking that it's an appropriate time to leave.*

*really, dog owners in the Yellow are dumbasses. it's a full dog park and a dude is going to walk in with his pit bulls on haulin'-a-30-foot-boat chain and act like there's nothing wrong with it. people are just dumb. if you wanna hit up the dog park, maybe you should've thought about that before raising pits.

I grab the dogs, put them on their leashes and we're making our way to the gate and I see this cat from work who, to be perfectly honest, grades my nerves like a cheese grader. I don't have any problem saying that. Actually, I didn't see him until I was standing right next to him and he says, "Jeff, what's up bro?" and he extends not a hand to shake, but the stupid fist to "bump." Okay, let's get something really clear. Doing the fist bump should only be used at times of congratulation or celebration. It's not how you greet someone. You hit a homerun, fist bump. You knock down a three to take game into overtime, fist bump (chest bump also appropriate). You answer an impossible answer in Trivial Pursuit to win the game, fist bump if you feel comfortable. I'm walking out of the dog park with my beagles in tow, probably not a fist bump-worthy moment. I'm not sixteen, dude. I don't do fist bumps with grown men as a greeting. In fact, I didn't even do it when I was sixteen. Handshakes will suffice. And, let's be real, handshakes are probably a stretch if I'm giving you ever social signal that I don't like you short of just telling you that.

My lovely wife said she's never seen me be so cold to someone. Had he led off with something other than a fist bump, that might have gone a little different. Setting the record straight right now, don't fist bump me anywhere else but on the ball field/court. It's played and juvenile. The ball field works because that's also the only place that you can pull off slapping another guy on the tail end without an ounce of awkwardness.

And now, for an update from the guy from my office that moved up to Seattle and has since been almost forceful in his love for Seattle. I think he loves Seattle more than anyone person in his life. It's like some weird love affair. His Facebook page is literally littered with odes to Seattle, but lately, it seems to be taking a slight turn. When we last left him, he was "enjoying the beautiful weather in Seattle" and ate two "pot cookies" and rode down the beach. I think he was still workless, but Seattle's a hella-cheap place to live so, whatever. Checked his Facebook this morning and noticed a slightly more solemn attitude.

______ is gonna go play in the rain :) I love Seattle!

______ wants it warm up!!

______ encourages everyone to wear orange today [as a protest to the Catholic Church] [hey I didn't say he was a "close" friend]

______ is tired...

______ might ride down to Lake Union if it clears up a bit...

______ wants the sun to come out, damnit!!

______ wishes everyone a happy equinox!! Be sure and thank the sun today for another season without a supernova :) [uh, yeah...okay...don't typically speak to the sun]

______ is chillin after a good night of drinkin...wishing my friends from back home would come up and visit me! [awwwwwww...after the "misses his friends back home but ain't never going back" comment, good luck on this one]

______ had such an interesting day...I met a very interesting Greek woman and spent some time reflecting over the state of humanity...[warning signs, while it makes no mention of how much time is "some time," I imagine it was possibly hours--more than I typically spend on the same subject]

______ thinks this song makes him sad...oh, memories... [post of the Dave Matthews song "Stay or Leave"--a song containing the verse that sings, "Wake up naked drinking coffee, making plans to change the world while the world is changing us." hmm.]

______ needs some sunshine.

Lessened are the cool little :)'s and over-the-top exuberance here only about 45 days since arriving in Seattle. I'll keep you posted.

Doom in 2 days. Holla.


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