j3 PRESENTS:: UNCLE PANTERA VIDEO AND JAX'S UNSIGHTLY SKIN TAG

You know, sometimes, I just think of how blessed I am to have such a talented family. Uncle Pantera (Donovan Stokes) and the Shenandoah Bass Ensemble in a recent performance. Uncle Pantera is the man far left in the blood red necktie. Yeah, dude's a beast on the bass. In fact, all these cats kill.

Man, the coffee is good this morning. I topped off an evening of softball with a 10:15 bag of Weinerschnitzel. Remind me next time that I'm too old to be jamming that stuff that late in the evening. I feel so dehydrated this morning. I had two kraut dogs and two chili dogs. Might want to skip lunch today to let my body ketchup, eh, catch up. We had to forfeit the first game because were only able to field six players. Second game we got run-ruled, but if there's a respectable way to get run-ruled, we found it. We lost 18-2. I don't like losing more than the next guy, but realize too, that some games were just not meant to be won. The Bobs are some pricks, though. F'real. I don't mind losing, but losing to mouthy dudes like them really sucks. I refused to shake hands just on principle.

So, Jax developed a skin tag a while back. In fact, he's had the same one twice now. First time, it disappeared leaving a bit of a bloody mess. My speculation is he lost it in horseplay with his brother Tux. It popped up on his cheek close to his nose. There goes his modelling career. I mean, beauty marks don't cast shadows. This thing almost grew legs and began walking. Jax had to have double portions of food because this thing had a stomach of its own. First time around, Koolz thought it was a tick when he thumped it or attempted to yank it from his head. I told Koolz, "That's no tick, that's a tag." They're weird little bastards.

This one I named "Thelonious." Or was it "Montgomery." Hmm. The name escapes me. My lovely wife said that I was so weirded out about it that I started disowning Jax. I'll be honest, some days it made it difficult for him to look at. Especially when he would lay on it and then wake up and it's standing on end. One day, I started investigating on how to remove skin tags off of animals. One place suggested freezing it with ice, tie it off at the bottom with dental floss and then just snip it off with nail clippers. Sounded easy enough.

One Saturday morning, I wake up and decide that this was the morning I was going to just yank it off. I was thinking about a more abrupt and painful walk-up-and-pinch-it-and-start-walking-in-the-opposite-direction method. The key is the element of surprise. Jax was fast asleep with his mother in bed...a Saturday morning tradition. I walk in, tear back the covers to see Jax and grab his mouth and what befell me? The tag walked in the middle of the night. Just took off. No "Dear John" or anything. So the tag is gone everyone. Nothing to worry about anymore. You can pet him again without having to favor his right side for fear of brushing against it.

Today's Earth Day. I think we send the wrong message when you call it "Earth Day" like we shouldn't be protecting the Earth everyday. If you're going to do anything for a duration, you have to dedicate more than a day's practice to it. I guess I'll celebrate by doing what I always do, hop on a bike and dare every moron in a vehicle that's much too large for their needs and ride to work. Maybe today, I'll ask someone in an Executioner to roll down their window and then I'll snidely say, "I ride my bike to conserve gas so you have more to guzzle in that earthcrusher you drive to work everyday by yourself. You need to either get a bike and start making some friends so you can increase the occupancy of your bus there."

I guess you could say that I did something green, however, I didn't do it to save the Earth. I made some speakers out of cardboard boxes. One was a promo box I got at work from Super D/Phantom and the other was a cheese box my lovely wife picked up at the health food store.

They work like a gem, but the cheese box is having a little issue with the low end. I'm going to have to tweak the wiring just a little bit. Might be a slight short. Anyhow, not as fashionable as the sleek speakers on the market, but they'll do the trick.