Monday, March 19, 2007


Among the many things that aggravate me to no end because I'm a high-strung hater, people who park in their lawns certainly rivals the tops of the list. I'm not even sure what the foundation of my detest is on this one, but as a homeowner, I can tell you that if you want to absolutely half your property value, move in next to a dude who parks his car in his lawn and watch that value plummet!

In the Yellow, this unexplainable phenomenon is rampant. I'm not sure if it's relative percentage to those who own trucks (because it's predomenantly truck-owners that are the offenders), if it's an educational issue or if it's socio-economical, but parking ones vehicle in a lawn is something I put right below styrofoam and meth houses as the most ridiculously annoying and cripplingly devestative aspects of modern urban living. I can't stand it.

I was walking home the other day and I noticed a neighbor who, instead of using a perfectly functionable two-car driveway, he/she instead decided to veer the automobile into the lawn parallel to the front of the house. This is a real estate stink bomb with the localized impact of a landfill, airport, strip club or heavily secured cult compound.

Not only that, it bums people out. Children cry at the site of a vehicle parked in a lawn and that's a very fragile situation when children cry. When children cry, the very fabric that holds society together becomes frayed and begins to rapidly unravel. Just trust me on this.

I don't care if you're so cool that not even a driveway can contain your righteousness, park in the street or a nearby parking lot. If it's because your vehicle is too large for a standard driveway, you might want to consider trading in for a smaller automobile as it's the gas required to power your landcrusher that currently has launched us into the fifth year of a very ugly and very political war. I mean, if you choose to believe that.

Remember, concrete is carpet for your car. They appreciate the comfort of good slab of cement.

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