TODAY MY DOG CRAPPED AGAIN IN OBEDIENCE CLASS...

Yep, it was a good day. I mean, considering. Considering it was a Monday. Considering I had insane amounts of work that managed to pile up over the weekend (what's the?). Considering the fact that, in t-minus 3 days, I'll be turning 30 years old and there's something inside of me that says that I should fear it, but I don't because I'm confident and careless when it comes to my age--I'm alive and that's all that matters, really. Considering I got all these ambitions for this next year, but first I have to get ahold of my finances and get my taxes filed. Considering that I'm the stupid nincompoop that dug myself into the daunting task of creating a list of 333 songs hip hop songs that I feel are worthy of mention and description. What messes do I get myself into? Considering that I came up with some slamming t-shirt designs and, despite thinking I had a perfect plan for manufacturing and distribution, I've yet to make any moves. Considering all these things, today was a good day because I recieved (stole) a promo copy of the new El-P record, I'll Sleep When You're Dead. I just put it in for an uninterrupted listen.

I stole it, but really borrowed it from my cubemate, David. He's on a killer mailing list from World's Fair. He received the whole nine--the prescription canister of sleeping pills, the logo pillow case, the sleeping mask and, the biggest prize of all, the music. And if having the music ain't sick enough, El-P does the promo-protective voiceovers himself saying every two minutes, "This promo copy belongs to David Riesenberg." Sick. Of course, the funniest part is that he mispronounces "Riesenberg" (/RI-sin-burg/ instead of the correct /REE-sin-burg/--those Jewish names are always a little tricky). He would've butchered my last name. Either way, this album is sick. Absolutely nuts.

Are trailer trash stupid because they live in a trailer or is it that they live in a trailer because they're stupid? Sometimes, I believe the first theory although most logic would suggest the latter. I just believe that a lack of economic resources necessary to living a prosperous, well-balanced and fully-functional life sometimes leads to temporary if not more permenant retardation. Just a random, but serious thought.

"Everything Must Go," the fourth track, is a different mix than the version I originally heard. I liked the original, but I gotta trust El's artistic vision. It's not bad, but I liked the bass line on the original.

"This promo copy belongs to David Riesenberg."

So yeah, I turn 30 in a few days. Crap, that reminds me, Angry Tim's birthday would be tomorrow. I gotta work on a birthday gift for that dude. Maybe a pat on the back and a "happy birthday, broham," would suffice. I'll make him an onion pie topped in spinach. That'd make him really happy. Turning 30 can't really be that bad. I mean, I've already lost my hair, my eyesight and partially my hearing. What more can they take from me at this stage in my life? Way I see it, it only goes up from here. I did, though, stare at my head shining in the rearview mirror the other day for an entire stoplight. I asked my lovely wife for an upgrade of the stereo system in Boggs the Honda and so we went to Circuit City the other day and I told the kid that I wanted to get a new face (stereo face, not my face), one that would operate my iPod (crack) directly and then I wanted a subwoofer to supplement the existing Bose factory speakers. Dude went off like freaking Rain Man--talking about how you could replace the face, but you can't just put in a sub without replacing the existing speakers or you're always going to have a muffled sound out of the regular speakers and speaker sets are sold in fours so two of mine would have to be deactivated or else I'd have to get another amp to support the extra speakers and there's a way we could use the existing amp, but it could take...SHUT UP, DUKE. I'm just doing some early information gathering. I ain't buying today. K-Mart doesn't suck. Circuit City does.

I was hoping to catch a horror flick on my birthday, but nothing good coming. My wife thought Ghost Rider was a horror movie based on the title. Not quite. How does Nick Cage make such horrible career moves sometimes. I could go on and on about Nick because the dude's a phenomenal actor, but just picks such bunk projects to put his energy and talents into. I don't get it. Raising Arizona, Leaving Las Vegas, Bringing Out the Dead (classic), Adaptation, The Weatherman, Lord of War, Matchstick Men...the dude's incredible and then he goes and does Ghost Rider. My apologies to all the comic book kids out there, but I heard it's horrible so my criticisms are not completely unsubstantiated.

Dude, this El-P...wowsers. Must listen to Fantastic Damage again before my second listen to I'll Sleep When You're Dead. I'll just lock myself in the Boom Boom Tomb to get a fully attentive listen to both.

Man, that lady gets the tasing of her life. "Taser, taser, taser, deploy!" When you hear those words, either you can turn around, face life with your chin up and take your tasing or, my choice, turn the opposite direction and run like hell! This girl goes down like a lead zeppelin. Another fine tasing courtesy of YOUTUBE.

"This promo copy belongs to David Riesenberg."

The list will continue probably next week with the next ten songs. It was a tough list to draw up simply because of the sheer size, but I'm quite proud of it. I can tell you this: the average age of the record is about April, 1996. I would've been 19 years old. Average age of the top 20 songs is June, 1991. That's more like it. The top 50? March of 1992. If you ain't even heard of hip hop until 1999, I wouldn't even bother with the list because you ain't gonna recognize a soul on it except for maybe Eminem, Dr. Dre and Ludacris.

I don't remember what I was listening to when I thought about coming up with the list, but I remember specifically thinking, "You know, there are great songs on horrible records that would whoop the ass of a good song on a great album." I made this list to basically evaluate the artistic accomplishment of the song instead of the masterwork. Some groups were really good at making songs, but made the worst albums. It's just a matter of fact. I think of the Beastie Boys almost immediately. Paul's Boutique is, without a doubt, one of my most favorite record, but I have a hard time finding a better song on that album than, well, you're just going to have to keep reading the lists for that. Licensed to Ill is a bad record overall. Popular favorite, yes, but a terrible record otherwise. But there's three songs on there that I can think of that killed it. And no, they are neither "Brass Monkey" or "Fight for Your Right to Party." Sometimes I think of Check Your Head the same way. Like the individual songs are somehow greater than the sum of its parts.

"This promo copy belongs to David Riesenberg."

Man, I wanna go see a horror movie on my birthday and The Hills Have Eyes 2 comes out two weeks later. How's that for timing? Oh well. It's just best to do it on my birthday because it's easily forgiven. I pull that stunt any other weekend and I'm a jerk for about three days.

Alright, gotta tuck in. Stay outta trailer parks, thirty ain't that old and the new El-P comes out March 20th. Don't be a sucka and cop it. Oh yeah, today my dog crapped again in obedience class. It was a little sad this time. Like he was embarrassed and it wasn't a very healthy looking movement. A tad runny. Tonight he learned how to cook pancakes, but kept dropping his utencils with his no-having-opposable-thumbs ass. We still love him, though.