TUX'S SKILLZ AS A HOST

I get a call at work at about 10:00 and it's my lovely wife who, may I first say, I love dearly. She proceeds to tell me that she dropped off two dogs at the house that she picked up on the way to work. She first attempted taking them to two different facilities, but both cited that they were too crowded or "overstocked" in the retail industry. She said that they recommended taking her to the Humane Society, but they didn't open until 10:00. What kinda city facility doesn't open until 10:00? Bizarre. My lovely wife and I spoke about it last night and, as I knew, she's not normally the type to jump out of her car in traffic and pull a dog to safety. I'm not either. I mean, I might see if they'll willingly jump in the car, but I'm not going to play Frogger in traffic hoping that I save a dog before a car plows into me and rendering me motionless for the rest of my life. There are some people like that. I'm not one of them. I'm glad there are people like that because I'm not one of them. You know, it's like when I'm walking into a building and some dude doesn't hold a door open for a lady, but then I do, he's saying, "I'm glad there's people like him in the world because I ain't one of them. My mama didn't raise me better." So anyhow, my lovely wife picked up these two dogs--one that was obviously a corgie and the other looked like a corgie humped a beagle or "laid down with" to put it biblically. She says that, in her desperation to get to work, she came back home and dropped them off in the backyard with our dogs and split.

So I get the call and, knowing damn well it's better to take care of these things quicker than slower, I dash home to assess the situation and make a call. When I arrive at the house, I realize what the O'Jays were talking about when they wrote the lyrics to "Love Train." Tucker was humping the beagle-looking thingy, Jax was humping Tux (yes, his brother) and then the little corgie was riding on Jax. I opened the backdoor to a bunch of butts moving. It was disgusting. It was a complete violation of the eyes. I run to break it up and when I grab Jax and Tux, they're sopping wet with God knows what body fluid. I was hoping for just saliva.

I couldn't pull Tux off the freaking thing for the life of me. Finally, I get them separated and pop collars on the two dogs (because they're stupid owners didn't/wouldn't) and they freak out. I hate dog owners in this town. They're so stupid. If your dog doesn't wear some sort of collar, I question what kinda dog owner you really are. And, no, the "chip" doesn't count because if your dog gets out, I'm gonna need something to attach a leash to. Don't be stupid, put a collar on your dog. Preferably with tags and a phone number.

Regretfully, I had only a couple of options and neither of them were that great. Against the will of many in my immediate circle of influence, I took them to the Humane Society. Yep, they kill dogs there. I'm aware of that. But when the other shelters tell you they can't take them, what are you gonna do? I'm not a babysitter. I will let you know that both of the employees out there commented that they thought the dogs were "very cute" and "definitely adoptable" while one mentioned that if no one else takes them, she wouldn't mind taking them.

The most troubling unanswered question of this entire story is why does Jax hump Tux?

Saw that Tim McGraw pulled a fan out of the crowd at a concert and tossed him over to bouncers and, when the man turned around, Tim raised fist like he was going to hit him. The tone of the coverage is how much of a hero he is because the dude was allegedly whooping up on a woman on the front row (I don't know how believeable that is, but whatever). It makes me wonder if that was LL Cool J or Lil Wayne yanking a dude out of crowd and raising a fist to him, would it be the same news story? Would anyone even ask "why"?

It's like if a tree falls and no one's there to hear it...if a rapper whoops up on someone in a concert and it's captured on a grainy video from about 150 feet away, does anyone ask why?

Today's my Friday because I'm heading to Houston tomorrow morning. Another early morning today. I've been up since 5:00AM. Loaded the Cure, Charles Mingus, the Band, Typical Cats, Roland Kirk, Aphex Twin and Bjork on the j3 Juggernaut II this morning. Yeah, this 'pod is col' nasty. You ain't ready. I told David yesterday that I want this thing to represent the "perfect record store." All killer. Ya'll be good to your neighbor. Put a leash on your dog and those waiting on jerseys, they're about two weeks away. I apologize for the holdup. Days are busy.