SAM, THE OKLAHOMAN GUITAR PICKER...AND HIS BAND

In my tireless searches to find individuals sharing my last name either representing hardcore or disgracing the name, I found this man. His name is Sam and, yes, we share the same last name. He lives in Oklahoma and plays guitar in a band, Badly Bent.

We're not related, however, I almost felt related. He's a musician. He likes to have a good time. People appear to enjoy being around him. And he's from Oklahoma. I'm not from Oklahoma, but it's nearby. We have a panhandle. They have a swizzlestick. And, in the Texas panhandle, that hard westerly wind is because Oklahoma sucks so much. Oh, we also both live within earshot of I-40.


Sam was born in Henryetta some 53 years ago. He started picking eleven years back and claims that George Strait and Allen Jackson are his two favorite artists (hard to be a big fan if you can't even spell "Alan" correctly). He got paid $200 for his first gig which was at the Henryetta VFW and enjoys "riding his bike" in his free time. I assume he means a motorcycle. But maybe not.


And dude can col' get down. This is Mike. He plays/played in the band. I can't tell if he's an active member, but he looks like that type of cat that gets kicked out of the band on some bull-ish. My bet is dude pinched the hind quarter of someone in a bar and then Sam pulled him aside and said, "Mike, I like to get down like everyone else, but objectification is our number one no-no. You know that."
More on Mike later. Dude's kinda creepy. I hope he's not still in the band because he's gotta be bad for their public image. You can tell the ladies above are unsettled by his appearance by covering their face in the presence of a camera. And he uses a blue lighter.

Sam, however, never misses a photo op (as you'll see). Here, he displays his towering physique. His grand frame has cemented him in Oklahoma folklore as a Paul Bunyan figure. Except his axe is tobacco sunburst Telecaster and he doesn't have a big blue ox, he's got his drummer, James, who listens to Queensryche (I believe it) and Rush (that too). His favorite food is salmon patties with a cheese sauce. You can barf now. Here's James.

Odd that they couldn't find a better photo of James for a closeup. I mean, it's a digital camera. You can just delete the bad photos and take them again. He's either sleeping or in between sneezes. Loving the Rush shirt. Man, dude's a superfan. And, just so everyone knows, Rush sucks ass. Popular opinion will disagree, but I walked to the top of a mountain in Colorado and met a mysterious figure in a dark black cloak and he told me that Rush sucks and Geddy Lee was "born of the devil." He then told me to tell everyone I know. Rush's sound is that of four monkeys in an octagon bludgeoning each other to death with plumbing tools.

Unless my eyes deceive me, that's former Badly Bent bassist objectifying some woman doing a clothed pole dance at a New Year's Eve bash at Prarie Bell Roadhouse! Jeff, you've fallen so far. He's too drunk to even know what he's looking at, poor sonuvabitch.

I don't know. It might not be him, but if it's not, it still doesn't make it right. That picture just gives me chills and not the good kind. Something very "Too Catch a Predator" about it. And that girl barely fits in that outfit, but in Oklahoma, something tells me that's the look you shoot for.

I got some research to do on Badly Bent. I'll make them my new fascination now that Wolfmother has broken up. The rain continues outside. This is four days in a row with rain.