In the interest of preserving what's left of my insanity, I'm going on a diet--a mental diet. I'm always driven to see what my threshold is as in my current diet (no cokes, no burgers, no cookies). I'm taking it to another level and, way I see it, there's no better to do it.
I'm on the NO SOX DIET.
What does this involve, you might ask. Well, let me give you the lowdown:
NO ASKING BUDDIES OR BROTHER HOW THE SOX ARE DOING
NO TELEVISED GAMES (this including the two televised games from Boston against the Spanks in the last series of the regular season)
NO ESPN RADIO
I'm essentially locking baseball in the cupboard until AFTER the regular season is complete which would be the day I arrive back in town from Red River, New Mexico after a relaxing and rejuvenating getaway with my wife (sans Jackson the Amazing Rolling-in-Feces Dog). When I get back in town, I'll look in the standings and either we're in the playoffs or we're not. If we're in the playoffs, I'll make the trek to the store for a case of low carb beer for what is hopefully a long playoff run. If not, then I didn't have to endure my Sox self-destructing and losing the lead that, at this time, September 20th they're holding onto by only a half a game.
That's 12 days and counting.
"Aw, j3, you're not going to support your beloved Sox?"
"And you consider yourself a true fan?"
"You're a coward."
"It's just a game."
Yeah, that's fine. I'll catch some flack, but you know what, don't question my loyalty to the Sox. It's because I'm a true fan that I'm taking precautions. Because I know how much it stings. I know how frustrating it is. I would contend that the people who say I'm not a true fan because I feel such anxiety are not true fans. They don't know nothing about this. I just decided I'm going to try something new this year.
Now, I'm soliciting the support of my loved ones, friends, Spankee fans, Sox fans, an Oriole fan, co-workers and so on.
1. PLEASE DO NOT TELL/EMAIL/FAX ME THE SCORE, THE STANDINGS OR THE RESULTS FROM LAST NIGHT'S GAME.
2. PLEASE DO NOT TEASE ME FOR GOING ON MY DIET.
3. IN THE CASE THAT THE SOX DO NOT MAKE IT INTO THE PLAYOFFS, PLEASE DO NOT BADGER ME UNTIL AFTER OCTOBER 2ND. LIKEWISE, IF THEY DO NOT MAKE INTO THE PLAYOFFS, I WILL NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DOWNFALL OF THE 2005 RED SOX.
Until October 3rd, you can just assume that I don't even know what baseball is.
The diet begins today. Sox have a half game lead on the Spanks with 12 games to go.