THE LONG ARM OF THE LAW-MART

Stop me if you've heard this one. Apparently, in Alabama (where everything is right in the world), a local judge ordered some ugly woman (you'll see) who was busted shoplifting a $7 item at WalMart to wear a sandwich sign reading "I am a thief. I stole from WalMart." She did it to avoid a 60-day jail sentence. The store manager reported that the response from shoppers entering the store had been positive. Yeah, but...it is Alabama after all.

Told you she was ugly.

I guess they're kinda going back on that "No-prosecution-for-theft-under-$25" thingy. It's too bad because I was about to just run in there and pick up a head of lettuce and some contact solution and just walk out without paying. I wouldn't mind wearing a sign anyway. I'd stand out there for three days, but I'd have to change the sign to read, "Damn right I stole from WalMart."

Now, I don't really have to go into my feelings about WalMart because I believe they've been pretty well pronounced in the past, but I think it's only fair that WalMart fess up to their theft. The cultural, emotional and financial thievery that happens with every scanned UPC at WalMart. I think every employee that works for WalMart should wear a sign that reads, "I work for crooks," or, "My boss is an evil, evil person and I still show up for work everyday."

In other protest news, I hear there's a gas protest coming up where, for one day, they're asking for everyone to not purchase an ounce of gas in protest of climbing gas prices. I think that everyone should just stop using vehicles until people wake up. No one would show up for work and companies would lose monumental profits. Ambulances wouldn't be running. Cops would just skip calls because they'd have no transport. See if that wakes up those oil companies.

Dude, you all need to go download the 4/29 Fat Beats podcast. Monster learned them listeners with an insane block of De La Soul and Tribe. It was incredible. I think he even went back for the "Strictly Dan Stuckie Mix" of "Me, Myself and I." School's in session. Download, sit back, headphones on and soak it up.