Tuesday, February 05, 2008


The magnesium treatments didn't work. What am I gon' do? I mean, what do you do when vitamins don't work? Well, you accept that solving the problem is fairly unlikely and just learning to live with it is probably a better option. It sucks. Even with the magnesium, it had gotten so bad that I was waking up with tooth sand in my mouth. Yeah, that sucks.

Yesterday was the kinda day that can absolutely drive people to teeth grinding. I mean, it's either that or random acts of violence (yep, violence--not fighting) or drug use. I'll take teeth grinding.

Bobby Knight just col' left his job at Texas Tech leaving the reigns to his son. What the hell? My dishwasher wasn't draining. I snapped a contact in half in the morning leaving me without any contacts to wear. At work, I was without my counterpart leaving me very little time for actual thought or coping. Then, we took Tucker the Beagle to obedience class. I'll put it lightly, he pulled so damn hard on the freewalk that the leash almost ripped my pinky off after cutting off all circulation. Our instructor had once said that she will not tolerate spanking a dog in class and that all correction be done verbally.

So I took him around the corner and spanked him.

The dude was being so incredible distractive--barking at other dogs, sniffing the floor, lunging at treats put out in front of him, jumping on passerbys. And he's like one really big muscle. I've never seen such a seemingly feeble dog pack so much of a punch. And then our instructor informed us that beagles were originally bred for their hunting abilities but, secondly, to be able to tolerate incredible amounts of pain.

That might explain the ineffectiveness of spanking. Time to step up to a baseball bat.

I'm kidding folks. Please do not call local officials. That was a joke. Instead we went out and got a prong collar (I was calling it "prog" as in "progressive" as in Yes, Rush and Dream Theater). Yeah, he's gonna love that. Once he pulls, small prongs dig into his neck. It's not lethal. It seems slightly cruel. But it's permitted in dog training. And, well, I don't mind being the asshole. Tucker already detests me anyway.

So, at the end of a long day of frustrations (I did fix the dishwasher, however), my lovely wife and I are sitting down for some yogurt and I finally confess that, yes, maybe I do have some internalized anger issues. I told her I just need to go out and kick someone's ass...legally. That or the gym has a kickboxing class. Maybe I need a class for kicking boxes. I'd punch a punching bag, but I'd probably just end up hurting myself. We'll figure it out.

She suggested that I finally bite down and get a damn mouthguard for me to wear at night. We drove to Walgreens and discovered a small selection of mouthguards all which ran for $25 (It's just plastic right?). I start fussing about the cost and saying it's not worth it. But then I rationalize the purchase by evaluating the cost of a new set of teeth which is what I'm on the road to if I don't protect my teeth. We buy the mouthguard.

I notice on the box that the mouthguard "stops the annoying sound of grinding." That's when I thought that I may never stop bruxing. I mean, this won't stop the grinding, but it will stop that annoying sound. The sound is not my worry. I can't even hear the sound. I want something that stops the grinding. I guess I'll just have to live with it. Or commit an assault.

Last night, at about 12:30, I wake up to Tucker barking in the laundry room where we had him fenced in. Out of annoyance, my lovely wife hops up and closes the bedroom door. He continues to bark.

I doze off for a moment and then hear a boom on our bedroom door. Tucker has lept the fence and is now roaming the house with reckless abandon. I open the door and he scampers back to the laundry room in a panic. I follow him to find a pool of piss on the kitchen floor (awesome) and then look in the laundry room to find he's destroyed Jackson's old bed by ripping a hole in it and then pulling out the stuffing.

Yeah, my dog's awesome.

Robert Deniro is backing Obama. Good enough for me.

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