Saturday, April 26, 2008

YOU'RE NOT READY FOR THE NEW ROUNDHOUSE DESIGN, BUT BECAUSE I'M A JERK, I'M-A SHOW IT TO YOU ANYWAY

Look, this last week in Roundhouse's storied history was probably the weakest ever. We first come in limp against a Golden Light team that we severely underrated and we got our asses handed to us and then we go against the Aztecas, the number one team in the league, for our chance for redemption and we blow it too. We lost two games before we could even wipe our brow and I think we all know that Chuck wouldn't stand for it. I mean, I feared last night that I'd hear a knock at the door and it would be Chuck Norris asking me for both of my thumbs and one of my dogs and after I surrender both, he beats me with a 29-ounce Easton sitting in the garage only breaking for booze and business calls every 45 minutes.

For that reason (and because I never sleep unless there's a movie on), I woke up early this morning to work on the new look for the uniforms. I think you'll agree, this design represents the very finest in city league softball jerseys. I mean, I anytime you can get a Warriors reference, two femurs and 23 skulls on a softball jersey, you're heading in the right direction. You'll recognize the familiar Roundhouse font that has been tied to murders in seven different states, Chuck's initials on the Fury's ball cap and the immortal words from "Joseph's Coat" by Big Brother and the Holding Company across the bottom: "If you wanna feel like a man, act like a man."

Those words incite riots. So does this logo. Enjoy. Merchandise coming once I get the approval from the team to move forward. This is still a democracy...a democracy of terror.


Yeah, I get up at 5:00 on a Saturday morning. How late did you sleep in this morning, you lazy indolent animal? The days get shorter and the list gets longer. It's 6:15 and I'd mow the lawn if I could only see it.

9 comments:

sarahsmile3 said...

That design struck fear in my heart and sent shivers down my spine. 100 points awarded for intimidation factor.

TX said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
TX said...

Those look strangely like Yankee pinstripes. Hrm. Otherwise delightful and sure to strike fear in the hearts of all who are unwise enough to let their eyes befall it.

j3 said...

nah...thems is Cubs pinstripes, homie.

K-Fleet said...

Wicked design. You might not even need to play a game if you walk on the field with those, and then tote around a few real femurs for good measure.

Jeremy said...

This teammate votes YES.

We need new shirts after last week's debacle

Anonymous said...

I agree with TX, Yankee Stripes... and the offer is still on the table homie, we would accept you as a Yankee Fan, its only a matter of time before you convert. Hints like these dont go un-noticed.

RH

Anonymous said...

Is that the dude from KISS? Paul Stanley? And the "act like a man" quote is so ripe with comedic potential! Ha!

Anonymous said...

I can hear it now..... "warriors, come out and pla-ay...."