Wednesday, July 30, 2008


Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. I went out to eat last night with my aunties and father and I'm sitting at the restaurant finishing off my meal and I look up on the wall and I see the Red Sox and Angels on the television. Fantastic! I shift my body around so I'm facing the television and read across the bottom "Angel Pitcher John Lackey Taking a No-Hitter Into the 9th Inning."


My team is about to get no-hit at home by the Angels. They haven't been no-hit at home in 50 years. John Lackey's career ERA at Fenway is over 7.50. How could this be happening? Well, you might remember (or not) that the Sox were almost no-hit out in Oakland by young phenom (and former j3 classmate, yep, CHS baby!) Justin Duchsherer. It's possible.

Not only is it possible, it's happening right in front of my eyes. And family. I'm about to curl up and cry. Jacoby Ellsbury is first up in the ninth. Strikes out. Then steps in Pedroia and, on a 0-1 pitch, he slaps a ground ball past the diving shortstop. That's my boy right there. Then Youkilis steps in and drives a ball over the Green Monster. No-hitter and shutout gone in just two at-bats. I breathe a sigh of relief. Even still, Sox lost 6-2.

So, you guessed it, it's that time of year again. I'm suspending all Sox fandom until, um, until I see the Sox play the Strangers in Arlington on September 6th. As you know, this diet means that I must completely sever my ties to the Red Sox. I can't check the standings. I can't watch them on television. I can't look for the evening's results. I basically become a non-fan for about 36 days. This team has managed to disappoint on multiple levels. Papi hasn't come alive all season. Manny's giving up. Dice-K is forever stuck at 11 wins. The bullpen absolutely blows. Jacoby's gone cold. We ain't got no shortstop. And our captain is the worst batter in the league. All this and ownership is sitting on their hands going into the trade deadline while everyone else is sweeping up the talent. Who knows? Maybe when I pick back up in September, the Sox will have gone out and traded half the team and be leading the AL East by 10 games. Or, maybe they keep this team and then players get hot and we go on a tear, taking over the East by 3.5 games. Maybe we lose 15 straight games and end up in the cellar. It's not that I don't care. It's that I care too much.

And the picture you see above is what happened when a kid asked Yankee outfielder Shelley Duncan for an autograph. As the website read, to loosely paraphrase: "What really sucks is being given a girl's name for your first name. What sucks even more is asking for an opponent's autograph." I agree on both accounts. Youngblood, what in the hell were you doing asking for Shelley Duncan's autograph?

Some lady saw Jesus in her kitten's fur, Mayhem's going to Boston to look at a "new line of hats" (that will have Red Sox players underneath them) and an earthquake hit L.A. Here is a snapshot of the AL East standings as of this morning...

Tampa Bay --
Boston 2
New York 4
Toronto 8.5
Baltimore 11

Your challenge for the day is locate an Angels fan.

That's the most difficult part of the challenge. But once you do that, slap 'em like you would a mouthy teenager.


TX said...

I think I can find an Angels fan...I'm in LA.

j3 said...

I thought it was hardest to find one in LA.