Friday, July 04, 2008


I'll be honest. I haven't really been into the whole July 4th thing for years apart from taking the day off and watching fireworks. I don't know why I'm not that patriotic. I'm going to try to get back in touch today. My lovely wife, brother-in-law and I are going to drive to a small town in the Texas panhandle and watch a parade. Then, we'll enjoy turtle races. Maybe that'll help. I don't want to be viewed as un-American. I'm just frustrated. Is it really possible to love your country, but hate their war? How do you totally embrace a country whose modern history, especially, is underlined by its insatiable greed and hunger for global domination? I mean, I was really just born here.

I like basketball and baseball. That's American. I like Montell Williams. He's American. I like tornadoes. Are there ever tornadoes anywhere else in the world? I like chili dogs. I like Eazy-E, the blues, Dunkin Donuts, watching high school theater students drink too much coffee at the local coffee shop, Bobby Knight, New Balances, Sportscenter and the sound of aluminum bats hitting fastballs. I like Oliver Stone. I like Starbucks even though they supposedly "burn their beans." I don't really care. I like the smell of freshly cut grass and gasoline. Specifically when together. I like fighting. I mean, I really like fighting. Fighting is pretty American. I like funk. I like Donny Hathaway. I like Val Kilmer. I might need to make sure Val's American. Yep, from California. Led Zeppelin's not American, but Bob Dylan is. I like Sam Adams when it's in a chilled glass, but truth be known, I can drink it at room temp too. I root for the underdog and enjoy documentaries. I don't know if those things are specifically American, but I like to think so.

Do you ever get the idea that those firework safety videos are less about firework safety and more about just blowing up mannequins? I mean, who puts an ignited Roman candle in their jeans pocket? Or who holds an M-80 in their hand waiting for it to explode? Who sits at a school desk with a firecraker powerful enough to split metal in two exploding in their face? I mean, those aren't fireworks. Those are explosives.

I guess we have a legacy in blowing up things. It's just the way we are. Don't put any bottle rockets in your mouth and have a great July 4th, you col' patriot.

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