THE AMERICAN COVET

For those of you living under a rock of coolness, the PlayStation 3 released last night. Okay, that's not really fair. There's plenty of cool people that play P$3, but watch them lose their cool when there's one to every 50 gamers. Yeah, that's what I saw last night.

Here we see multiple subjects passing time in line for the new PlayStation 3 console and the food that is having to be prepared by a gas stove indicates this man is hungry. And that hunger is not a sensation that just overwhelmed him. No, it's been coming for hours. In fact, the tent further suggests that he's going to need shelter in the case of cold weather, predatorial attack or darkness. Yes, this subject and his buddy who is wearing a cast from a completely different idiotic excursion and other buddy who is pale from the isolation that he will spend 90% of his life in are actually camping out for this gaming unit.

It's important to remember that Target ran off Salvation Army bell ringers from the front of their store for Christmas yet they have no problem letting people loiter in the name of greed lining their storefront for days. Hmm, a little different when their paying customers, I guess.

This is what they wait for. Yeah, it looks kinda like the top of a Bissell Hand Sweeper vacuum. I read an article this morning in which someone said it was a "sexy" machine. Yeah, this coming from a guy who probably hasn't seen a girl in a year and a half. Sheesh.

I went up to the local store to see this firsthand at about 11:15 last night. Upon arrival, I see mobs upon mobs of people. The cafe was packed, the music department was packed. The book department (role playing section, specifically) was a world of excitement. I wasn't expecting to find quite the assortment of people filing in. Jocks, dweebs, mothers, fathers, local TV personalities (NOT doing a story), "females" (a word that my lovely wife has informed me is prison slang for "women"), there was even people who looked athletic and, yes, tan (actually, just Rory).

The store received 30 PlayStations. There were easily 500 people I estimate. Problem.

Systems were to be given out by way of a raffle system. Once they were called, 499 people would punch the person next to them and then the winning contestant would wander wild-eyed through the mob to the front where they are handed the system like it's a case of col' cash and then are ushered to the door and asked if they want a uniformed police officer to walk them to their car. Insanity.

One girl won a 60-gig (geek for "powerful") system and almost wet herself while she was paying for it. "I can't believe it! I can't believe it! I'm shaking! I'm freaking oooooooooouuuuuuut!" And she was, indeed. What was really funny was watching the winners hold them in their hands by the front door while about 470 people stared at them with the glares of hungry coyotes ready to prey upon them. One cat kept eyeing me like I was interested in beating him down in the parking lot. Poor kid filled his shoe, I think.

I showed for the spectacle. I mean, really, how can you miss such an event. It was quite spectacular. Seeing humans driven to such levels of ecstacy and excitement over a game system. It's pretty compelling really. Two guys who were waiting on their police escort exchanged congratulations like they were proud fathers of newborn babies, "Congrats, man."

"You too. I'm so excited."

"Oh, hell yeah."

I really just showed up for the free door prizes.

Everyone, it's freakin Friday. And the congregation said, "Amen," collectively with an exhale of relief.