Saturday, November 08, 2008


As the Red Raiders host the Oklahoma State Cowboys, let's check on some real cowboys from Oklahoma, my brethren Sam and the Badly Bent Boys. I gotta tell you, these dude's col' lasso in the women and Sam represents for all the big boys out there that think it can't work. Sam's techniques as a pick-up artist runs circles around that dude Mystery. His charm and "gentle giant" ooze just suffocates the ladies into submission. He's a lover, but he listens. Wooing the ladies with his shoulder rubs and knee pats while responding with, "He doesn't understand you, but I do, Tracy," and my personal favorite, "You deserve better. You always have."

Women flock to his shows for a chance with Sam. The band gets the scraps. I mean, check this fool out. The girls, the girls they love him!

Sometimes you have to worry about the (c)ling-ons. One night after a long and enduring alcohol binge, Sam spilled his guts to a woman named Karen and, touched by his honesty and emotional volatility, she began attending every show thereafter hoping for a chance to relive the magic of that evening. It's kinda sad when I think about it, but girl doesn't really see it as sad. She lives in a fantasy world where Sam is her Eddie Money rocker boyfriend. She swears that everytime he plays "Wonderful Tonight," it's a dedication to her. She's a sport. Never passing up a chance to pose for a picture.

The sad reality, however, is she's one in a long line of women that wraps around Oklahoma seven times of hearts (or hienies) that have been pinched by Sam and the boys of Badly Bent. They share stories at shows of late nights with Sam on at the end of the bar. Some exchanges even turn violent and end up in fisticuffs. The women, geez, they just sit around like hungry rats looking for the scraps to fall. Like these two who hide out in a dark corner of the bar hoping to blindside Sam during his break and throw him in the back of a F-150, take him to their trailer, strap him to a bed, break his ankles and make him sing Garth's "The Dance" to them acapella for hours into the night. Dude's gotta look out.

Sam's saavy enough though. He can talk himself out of almost every situation and, even better, he talk anyone into anything. Take, for instance, the sad case of Mary. Another dingleberry who simply can't quit Sam, her suspended emotional state is that of a small girl smitten with summer love. She's been attending Badly Bent shows for the last five years. Meet Mary.

One night on the outskirts of Stillwater, Sam popped off at his sound guy because he passed out at the boards during "What's that Smell" by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Sam walks off the stage and smacks the cat with he heel of his hand, breaking his nose and ruining his reputation as a soundman in every county in central Oklahoma. Here he is, not but fifteen minutes into his set and, without a soundman. Scanning the bar for someone to sit in and turn the knobs for him, he sees Mary sitting there with a water in hand. Knowing she's gonna be at all of their shows anyway, he figures why not just put her to work? So he did and she's been the soundwoman ever since. She gets paid nothing for her assistance. Cold, Sam. Really cold.

Here we see a fairly normal sight at a Badly Bent set: people embracing each other softly. The lovers can't help it once the guys dive into their set.

Sam's not above going into the twenty minute version of "Wonderful Tonight" to lengthen the lovefest on the dance floor. Sam usually scans the dancing couples looking for a subtle wink or eyebrow flutter over the shoulder. It's usually enough to queue the band to, "take it one more lap around the track, guys." Sam's never going to stand in the way of a guy's pursuit of drunk, smelly and smoky poolhall love. I mean, come on, it's how rural Oklahoma keeps the birthrate up.

Another way to keep the rural Oklahoma birthrate up was letting former guitarist Mike wear his tank top. He'd have to fight off the ladies with the heavy end of his Squier. Unfortunately for thousands of mothers and expectant mothers, he never did. Another reason he didn't really work out as a guitarist. It's one thing to have hundreds of single and hot women show up at a show to sway back and forth mouthing the words to "You Are So Beautiful" staring longly at the band with tears in their eyes. It's another thing to have a hundred pregnant women standing there (sometimes with their husbands) delivering ultimatums and occassional ass-whoopings.

Never turning out a gig and touring like one hard mutha, Sam recently played a show at the local high school football stadium ("stadium" might be overstating it a tad bit). Of the forty people who showed up, thirty five were women. That's a pretty favorable ratio of men to women.
That's exactly why little weasels like this show up to the shows with their shirts unbuttoned.
Dude knows that Badly Bent brings out the ladies. If you're gonna play the odds, a Badly Bent show is as good as a wedding for emotionally swooning women ready to hook up. Smart man.
Good to check up on Sam and the Boys.
So the Red Raiders (now #2 in the freaking nation) lock up with the Oklahoma State Cowboys. They're a pretty nasty team with a solid offense and blinding speed. Yep, the honeymoon's over. That #2 ranking is only good for a week in the BCS standings. It'll be a battle, but I'm going with Tech with a score of 38-32.
The De La Soul Mix, Vol. 2 is bangin'. As you might recall, I'm working on mixing De La Soul is Dead with the breaks that comprised the classic. So close to completion, I dawned on me that I was missing a break--the break to "Fanatic of the B-Word"--a song by a group White Lightnin' called "That's No Lie." Well, I located one of the very few copies of the record on vinyl. It's been purchased for a cost of $23.98 and will be here early next week, at which point, I'll have it converted to a digital file and then throw into the stew. That'll complete the mix and I'll get it posted shortly thereafter. I'll also work on refreshing the link for the Three Feet High mix.
It's a Saturday, ya'll.

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