Monday, November 03, 2008


Ah, who's not for a little alliteration on a Monday morning. Wait, it's 5:31! Freaking time change. I'm going back to sleep.

Okay, I'm back. And who in the hell is talking about a neutral site World Series? Now that's socialism. Got back from Taos last night--the land of soy milk and honey because, c'mon, honey's a natural sugar that breaks down more easily and doesn't attach to your breasts, belly and hips making for stronger tree hugs.

You know, Taos always struck me as a the type of community that ate too much organic food and lost their freaking minds. Don't get me wrong, I like Taos. I like it alot, but there are sure a ton of pansy earth crawlers there. You can always spot a vegetarian because they're prone to bruise easily and always compain about how cold it is. Commonly, these people have made dietary changes after calling the number on the back of an Earth Day pamphlet they received in college. They joined a little commune in the tree tops of the Redwood Forest where they ate bark like an Ewok, smoked too many pine needles and learned how to sing lullabies in the language of tree bugs and bald eagles.

Now, they're brainwashing their kids. We're at this little place in Taos called Eske's and I'm drinking a wonderful homebrewed pale ale and enjoying a nice cup of green chile stew on Halloween night on the patio. A little girl walks in dressed in a blue meshy type of outfit kinda looks like a fishing net and it's filled with little cans, wadded up paper and plastic lids. She's with a kid who I presumed was her brother who stood there in a gnarly little get-up with all these dreadlock looking strands of wadded hair coming off his head. Some lady sitting nearby asks the girl, "Well, what are you supposed to be?" and she bounces back immediately and with her chin-up, "I'm the northern Pacific ocean."

Ugh. Someone punch me in the head until I'm bleeding from nose, mouth, eyes and ears.

She then spews about a minute of stat-heavy encyclopedic bowel movement talking about the "billions of gallons of water" that's polluted and I'm just sitting there with pale ale all over my chest. Hoping that the lady doesn't encourage her, she says, "Wow, that's quite a statement. Good for you." I was hoping for more like, "That's the dumbest costume I've ever seen. You should've been a tomato." Then, the little brother, who was standing nearby with his fingers in his mouth begins walking toward the door and the lady asserts herself again, "Well, then what are you?"

"I'm Medusa."

Hahahahahahahahahah. His sister's making some militant environmental costume statement that's way too old for her age and dude's dressed up as a woman with snakes as hair. Gotta love it. I felt like highfiving that kid until our hands swelled to twice their size.

Taos needs a funk bar. I heard too much acoustic guitar this weekend. I'm serious. I realize you're in the mountains and people usually associate the mountains with banjos, acoustic guitars and pan flutes, but dude, really. Someone gimme a place that I can hear Funkadelic and the JBs. Maybe a barbecue joint. Yeah, that'd be awesome. A barbecue joint in Taos where we wheel in cows and slaughter them just a block from the square and we play Bootsy Collins until two in the morning.

Props to the dude who stood out on the square for two days with his "Honk for Obama." Pretty annoying, but most cats' arms would tire after about an hour.

My lovely wife and I straight up chilled. We watched Son of Rambow (dope), The Great World of Sound (dope, dope, dope), The Strangers (dope...on Halloween night) and washed it down with Close Encounters of the Third Kind because it was there in the movie selection. I really recommend The Great World of Sound. Fantastic movie.

My lovely wife and I dialogued for a few miles about how The Strangers is different from most movies of the genre because, unlike most slasher movies or hunt-and-kills, the victims in The Strangers did nothing to deserve the terror of that night. I contended that maybe that's why I enjoy it so much because, normally, you're kinda hoping someone gets it in a horror movie because, well, they provoked a certain outcome acting like a prick. Some dude throws a brick at an old man and that old man's grandson has a chainsaw and likes to kill people. Good. Or outsiders come to town and make some disparaging remarks about the townspeople and "banjo boy. Then, next thing you know, they meet on a river with their pants at their ankles. Whoa now! But in The Strangers, dude just wanted a romantic evening with his now-fiancee. She declines, he's pissed off. You kinda feel bad for dude and then, boom, three people in masks come over to torture, chase, freak 'em out or kill 'em. It's so hopeless. You're thinking, "Man, they really didn't deserve this. Who is safe if they didn't even do anything?" Watch it. You'll understand.

Speaking of cats who did deserve and received.

Yeah, if you missed it, uh, I don't know what you're were up to, but you weren't up to what you should've been. Texas Tech beat the Longhorns, 39-33, in Lubbock in what is unquestionably the biggest win in Lubbock football history. It was #500 for the school and our first victory over a #1 team in history. When fans started flooding the field with :01 on the clock, I could hear Longhorn fans bitterly remarking, "Act like you've been there before." Well, we haven't.

Without a doubt, it lived up to the hype and, even better, we put a whooping on those Longhorns. You'll hear alot of people say of sports games, "It was a lot closer than the score indicates." Well, in the case of this game, it wasn't as close as the score indicated. And, yes, that's with it coming down to the very last second. There were three huge Texas plays leading to 21 points. Without those huge plays (a 37-yard TD pass, a 45-yard punt return for a TD and a 91-yard TD pass), the score would've been 32-12 assuming that we would've have driven so aggressively in the last minute jump it to 39-12, but then again, Leach is insane. For that reason, we jumped to #2 in the polls because every writer in America knew that we put a whooping on Texas and we're no fluke. But anyone will tell you, that doesn't mean anything because we go through the "gauntlet" of Oklahoma State and Oklahoma (in Norman) finishing with Baylor where my lovely wife and I will be in attendance. Would've loved to be a fly on the wall in the house to the north where they get drunk and watch Texas football every Saturday during that last play where Michael Crabtree caught the fade and walked into the endzone (that sentence had seven prepositions, count 'em).

Next week against Oklahoma State. Gonna be tough.

Meanwhile, Coach Leach is busy talking about dating tips. Dude's a stud. I wish he was around when I was a kid because I really needed this advice at a young age. Spike Dykes just wasn't so smooth with the ladies.

Assuming everyone will be voting tomorrow. I have no interest in swinging votes at this point, but rather would encourage you to just vote because it's more important now than ever before to vote. Stand in that long line because it's worth it. If it wasn't, there wouldn't be a long line.

This is gonna be interesting. Get a six pack and a comfy seat.


TX said...

I heart Leach. Next week should be something else. Oklahoma State is legit. We'll need equal, if not higher, energy from the crowd this week. I propose another BLACKOUT. Need the Jokers in the south endzone. You have to like our chances in a night game in Lubbock. Some kind of magic there. But Ruffin McNeill will be tested as a D-Coordinator like never before this week stopping the run of OSU. Our offense should be able to do about the same thing...but will need to draw on the momentum from the UT game to have their way with OSU's D. I actually think OSU is better than UT despite the head-to-head win for UT. Our saving grace this week is being at home. Hope we respond well to being the HUNTED rather than the HUNTER. GO TECH!!!

sarahsmile3 said...

OMG, that clip of Leach giving dating advice was awesome! Friggen' Leach....gotta love that dude!