Friday, May 19, 2006


Thursday, May 18, 2006
Associated Press

THE YELLOW- The Chuckheads made easy work of the Amarillo Flash Thursday night in an absolutely horrific slaying, 22-6. This brings the Chuckheads' record to an astounding 9-0 and secures 1st place for the platoon in their inaugural year.

"These guys are amazing. The way they come in here and completely dismantle opponents, I've never seen anything like it," one league official commented. "They're good for the league, though. They've put new energy back into the league and any time a team goes undefeated, everyone's gunning for them."

The official requested his name be withheld for fear of backlash from the team, even though his comments were seemingly all complimentary. "You never know, man. One time a guy was coming off the field after a 2-run double and one of his teammates said, 'Nice hit, man,' and the dude swung around and landed his cleat right in the dude's chest. They're crazy. Unpredictable." This move is apparently known as the "roundhouse."

Many fans of the league say it is that very unpredictability that has made them such a draw in the stands. Three weeks ago, they mounted the greatest comeback in the history of the league scoring 11 runs in the bottom of the final inning to beat Scott's Flowers.

"Pimps don't say much, we talk with our hands," commented a Chuckhead who insists on being called "j3," playing catcher, first base, designated hitter and occassionally holding the bench down. "I like to think of Chuck as a ninja pimp."

The bizarre monologue continues.

"I bet you didn't know, that, one time, Chuck Norris was filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger and Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to live by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away," j3 said. "And plus, the ladies like Chuck. I see those married women checking us out. I like tacos and Twizzlers."

j3's teammates declined to comment as they were too busy kickin' ass.

The Chuckheads will square off, once again, against Scott's Flowers next Thursday in the last game of their season--shooting for an unprecedented 10-0.


Porksoda9 said...

That is rad. The lamb portion of this article is totally rad-iculus. You don't get that kind of color commentary any where but the J3 spectacular. ~Man-ham out~

TX said...

Though riddled with typos, this is a high-quality post from a Chuckhead from whence we have come to expect nothing less. Well done. I'll be watching Sportscenter for the highlights...if there is enough game footage between the heartless roundhouses to the face.