THANKS FOR THE REMINDER, DUKE...BACK TO WOLFMOTHER

So, I hear my phone ringing in the kitchen at about 11:15PM. I miss the call and it goes to voicemail. I check the voicemail and it's a call from Duke down in Austin. Sounds like a concert (Dale, of all the things I know about you, I didn't know you were one of those guys who dial up a buddy at a concert and hold your phone up in the air--I'll let it slide this time because it's Wolfmother. 2Mex would also be acceptable) and then it dawns on me, what I'm listening to is a lengthy introduction to "Mind's Eye" off Wolfmother's incredible debut album. Tuesday, we'll have the first week numbers on their debut record's first week. I'm hoping they'll crack 30,000, but it's a stretch. A long stretch. But even if it's only 15,000, that's 15,000 people who are better off from owning this record and that's 15,000 people I don't have to worry about running into someday. They killed it on Conan Thursday night. A performance I enjoyed behind a nice cold beer.

So, because Dale brought it up with his voicemail, here's one of a few benefits and side effects I've noticed after my exposure to Wolfmother.

Playing "Tales From the Forest of Gnomes" loudly stimulates plant growth. Unfortunately for me, those plants were weeds in the backyard, but they grew at an unprecedented rate.

"Dimension", now the lead track off the US release of their self-titled debut album has proved to cause animals and insects to fornicate wildly. Don't ask me why or how, I just noticed.

Playing Wolfmother at just a volume level just louder than the hum of a standard air conditioner, but lower than the drip of a coffee maker can increase office productivity up to 75%. Problem is finding a way to play an album that damn good that softly.

Listeners have been known to go into insane air guitar solos even hours after the music has stopped. I have noticed a footstomp that does not stop until I go to bed at night. Even then, I've kicked my dog off the bed and across the room.

To more aggressive subjects, Wolfmother brings out swift and frightening violent outbursts. I saw a man heave a motor scooter almost fifteen feet with one arm flat-footed.

Another side effect I've noticed (one that is quite alarming) is the desire to cut the sleeves off of every shirt I own--even the nice dress shirts--and trade my Civic in for a '86 Camaro.

Chest hair seems to grow rapidly under prolonged exposure to Wolfmother. Perhaps it's the "Wolf" in the name. Females beware. I've also been growing hair uncomfortably close to the middle of my palm and near my fingernails. Downright bizarre.

You've been warned. Now go buy the album and proceed with caution.