GOLF...TRULY AN IMPOSSIBLE SPORT

But what's ever stopped me from attempting the impossible. So long as it it's not death-defying. Well, Saturday was my second time out on the "links," I believe they call it. This time we went to the freaking smallest course I've ever set foot on. It was situated on maybe a half square mile of land. Now THIS is a course I can play, I'm thinking to myself. My first attempt at golf was a "real" course in 50 MPH wind gusts. Today however, the holes were about 75 yards long and the breeze was S/SW at about 10 MPH. In other words, ideal conditions for me to rip it up and build up some confidence before the company's annual golf tournament.

I still suck, however. Mainly because I rely on my gift of imitation to get me through the sport. I do the same with bowling. I do what they do on television because, well, I don't have time to take up the sport seriously. I play sports that I played when I'm young. I don't play any of them at an excelled level, but I do enough to get by. With bowling and golfing, I just do my best to emulate what golfers do with no science or study involved.

It was a Par 3 course (meaning your score should end up around 54) and I shot an 88. Now, had this been a regular course, that might be a pretty good score for an amateur. But since this is Putt Putt, I'd be better served just hanging out in the clubhouse trying to set the high score on Galaga and eating Rocky Road.

I took my grandfather's old Arnold Palmer bag out for a spin. It was the first time this thing has seen daylight in at least 20 years, I'd imagine. I'm damned lucky it didn't turn to dust. Think I heard baby birds chirping in the bottom. Tell you what, you wanna catch eyes at even the $12 course, bust those things out. Someone once said, "It's not how good you play, it's how good you look." I prefer "It's not how good you look or how good you play, it's how you throw a wrench in the entire golfing universe by using 35 year-old gear." Actually, I'm attached to these clubs (or rather them to me) and, yes, I'll be playing with them at the annual golf tournament.

Real pimps strut with AP. That'd be Arnold Palmer. Not Associated Press.

Happy Monday. Vinnie Paul from Pantera (easily one of the nicest guys I've met in a long time) took a moment to come by the Yellow to promote his latest projects and managed to sneak in this killer picture. Thanks to Phil, Ken and the Fontana staff for making this happen.