Sunday, October 05, 2008


In the past weeks, we've dived deep into the successes and exploits of one Sam Wyrick of the Oklahoma super-group, Badly Bent. One thing I've discovered about him is lust for life and, maybe more impressive, his love for his fans. Yep, the dude actually has a pretty decent following of about twelve to fifteen Oklahomans.

Maybe it's his rendition of "Turn the Page" or his monstrous and towering frame but lovable character. Could be the well water. Maybe even it's his last name. But the people of his humble community lean on him for his artistic vision and diplomatic soundness. Plus, the dude makes the ladies go wild.

Like this woman, Margaret, who often makes appearances at his shows. Tonight, she wore Sam's favorite gown, er, whatever. She sewd it out of curtains at the local nursing home. It still smells a little like cigarette smoke from the glory days at the home, but it's masked by the putrid stinch of piss and body odor at this commode of a club. Her favorite song by Sam and the gang is when they kick into "Knockin' on Heaven's Door." In an embarrassing moment, she requested it from the back of the club as, "That song by Guns and Roses." Margaret didn't listen to much Dylan growing up. In fact, she didn't listen to much music at all which partially explains her fascination with Sam. I don't know who this cat is, but he pops up at a lot of Badly Bent shows. You gotta drink biblical amounts of that Oklahoma near-beer to get this plastered.
The dude in the white is his designated driver. His name is Phillip and he still plays with Legos. I gotta question for their site administrator. Why would you put this picture on your website? Not a very flattering photo for the man featured or Badly Bent. I'd try to find a picture of like a really hot girl in a bikini and say something like, "This and more can be seen at the next Badly Bent show." Seeing this photo would make me want to leave the state altogether. Additionally, this photo proves that, one, the photographer doesn't know what the hell they're doing and, two, not a lot of people turn out at Badly Bent shows. Look at all the empty space.
Add to it that, if in fact the band is playing, only one of these people are actually watching it happen. And neither look like they're enjoying it much. I'd probably look for photos where, say, ten or twenty people are gathered and, more importantly, looking engaged and enthused in the same general direction. In rural Oklahoma, I'd start with the personal hygiene department at the nearest Wal-Mart. This is the look of an area in the club where either someone just farted or told an offensive joke. But this does not look like much of a good time.

Then there's this guy:

Again, what does having this photo on your band's website say about the accomplishments of the band? If I wanted to sleep, I'd just stay at home and go to bed instead of spending an evening at a Badly Bent show.

Then, there's these two. The girl looks like she was just busted sniffing coke off the table and, additionally, looks really annoyed. Again, I might look for photos where people are actually enjoying themselves. Smiling. Laughing. Maybe embracing each other while smiling and laughing. This does nothing to sell me on a Badly Bent show. The guy looks like a prick, but that's just because of the ballcap (which can be purchased at the nearest Rip Griffin for $7.99--one size fits all).

Okay, so maybe fifteen fans was a little generous. It might just be Margaret, but let me tell you, she's a huge fan.

Sox just took a 3-1 one lead on a three-run single by Jacoby Ellsbury. Yep, I said it, a three-run single. Let's do it tonight.

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