KID NAMES...NO, DON'T GET THE WRONG IDEA

No, we're not working on children right now. But while out at the bed and breakfast celebrating our anniversary, our conversation veered to what we would name our kids. Like alot of people, the "children" conversation begins with what you would name your baby. Let me tell you, I have some incredible name suggestions. My lovely wife didn't seem to think so, but we got a good laugh out of it. Now, most of my suggestions, at least the good ones, are boy names because, well, I'm a boy.

My first thought was "Maurice"--a good hearty name. Short would be "Mo". Now, Mo could be "Moe" as in the Simpson character or "Mo" as in the great Red Sock Mo Vaughn who has now retired from baseball because of an arthritic knee and has since become quite the party boy after being arrested on drunk driving charges. But the dude still cranked out 326 homers and won the 1995 AL MVP as a member of the Sox.

What Mo did when he wasn't busy picking up the females.


What Mo did when he was busy picking up the females.

Another suggestion was Pedro or the Spanish "Pete". I've always liked the name, personally and my personal feelings is no one's touching a white kid named Pedro. When I say "touching," I don't mean he'll be outcast of society like the Elephant Man and no one will go near him, I mean that no one's "touching" him as in "topping" him. "Touching" also does not mean relations with the women. Like Mo, he'll have plenty of chances with the ladies. My lovely wife seems to be in disagreement. Nonetheless, that's Pedro.

My last really good suggestion was "Thaddeus" or "Thad" for short. Some might say it's unconventional, but I think Thad is the pimpinest names you'll find. Two things I noted when searching the name "Thaddeus" and "Thad" on Google. Firstly, Saint Jude Thaddeus was the nephew of Mary and Joseph and was said to closely resemble Jesus Christ. Many sources believe he was also a fisherman. He preached in Syria and was a healer and exorcist. He could exorcise pagan idols which caused the demons to flee and the statues to crumble. When you hear people refer to Saint Jude, they're referring to Saint Jude Thaddeus. He died a martyr after being clubbed in the head and then beheaded post-mortem. Yes, indeed horrible. But not as horrible as what my research brought me to next. This is "Thad" from southeast Texas. He will haunt you for weeks to come.

Despite this fella, I still think Thaddeus is the most gangsta of names. Another famed Thad is the great trumpeter/cornetist Thad Jones.

Another thing that is important to me is that his initials spell something. I know, it's rather juvenile, but think of all the cool words you could spell with "W" as your last name initial.

POW (my personal favorite--really needs an exclamation point at the end as in "POW!"
JEW (if you're shooting for irony)
RAW (like POW, this is just gangsta)
WOW

Okay, "all the cool words" is really only four and only three of them really make any sense. I suppose you could go for "MOW" if you wanted him to live a lousy life as a yardman or "PAW" if you wanted him to be spend his working years cleaning up cat cages at the pet store.

Thaddeus is my vote. Ooh, Thaddeus Maurice. Man, that's straight. I suppose "j4" would also work.