MY NEW BLUE SHOES

So, bro bro out in LA called to my attention a new form of footwear that was making waves out in Cali called the "Croc." He swore by 'em, in fact. Usually he was bragging about the comfort, but then also made some impressive claims about the versatility of the shoe. I went online and checked it out.

A couple of weeks later, we're talking again and he starts talking about his Crocs again and I say, "Let me frank, please. I don't see a lot of guys wearing Crocs." He tried his hardest to put me at ease saying that lots of guys wear them out in LA. Now that might be all good, but I'm in the Yellow and most guys wear boots around here and you might catch one up the not-so-sunny side if you get caught wearing women's shoes. My wife also ensured that they make them for men as well. I wasn't so easily sold. Especially when I heard they were about thirty bones. I figured that I was better off with just my good ol' sandals and was going to leave it at that.

My wife said, "Target's got the knock-offs if you don't want to spend that much." Nah, I wouldn't have that. I mean, there's too much margin for error on knock-off product. Something breaks, I develop a severe back problem, someone calls me out on my fakies--there's a number of bad things that can come from going cheap. I figured that, sure, I'm a cheapie, but not so cheap that I can't front another ten bucks for the real thing.

Then, one day, I'm not sure what got into me, but I built up enough strength to, yes, actually go to the mall. With my lovely wife by my side in support, we walk to the men's shoes section of Dillards and I approach the youngin in the section and ask, "Where are your Crocs at?" He pointed at a display about 20 feet away. There was not but one person by the rack and I'm thinking, "I'm gonna be the only one wearing these things around here." Despite such, I played interested and slipped a few pairs on. Okay, yes, they were comfortable. And, I've always worn ugly shoes so the notion of putting on unsightly or, at the very least unconventional, footwear was not such a stretch for me. I'm a married man--besides my lovely wife, who am I out to impress?

There were a number of colors, but black would work for me. It goes with everything and it was the least offensive of hues that I had to choose from. And, in case someone sees them from a distance, they'll still look like a fairly normal shoe with no social consequences. So black it was. When I go to the counter, the young kid runnin' the show was saying things like, "These are really popular," and "I just love these." I'm thinking, "I still have yet to see one dude wearing these in this town," but nonetheless, I walk out of there with my Crocs in hand. We get to the car and, immediately, I take off my shoes and socks and slip my feet into them.

Pretty comfy indeed, but I needed more convincing of the additional benefits. Well, would you believe that in about a week of wearing these things, I actually become attached. They're the easiest shoe you'll ever wear. Angry Tim swears they're the ugliest shoe he's ever seen in his life and his lovely wife says the same. But, well, he's Angry Tim and they're from the nawth.

So, I'm giving these a real test drive. I wore them on my Forrest Gump walk to work in the mornings. I wore them in the garden (that's right, I garden on occasion like a real gangsta). To the movies. To dinner. Even to church one day and not one person looked twice. These things rock.

Well, one day, after doing yardwork in them, I left them on the front porch because they had some mud on them. I left them out overnight. Turns out, in the middle of the night, either a breeze or that damned dog down the block came over and swept one of them off the porch. Why do I accuse the dog? Well, when I opened the door I saw that stupid dog in the middle of my lawn chewing on one half of the pair. I shoo'ed him away leaving my lone black Croc. I never found the second.

I managed to do without them for a few weeks, but then I finally broke. I needed more.

I go online and find a pair on Ebay for $25 with free shipping (because, they weigh just over a half a pound). And I passed on the black this time around. I went for electric blue this time. Yeah, because when I get ill, it's only electric blue and nothing else. Kinda like DMC's yellow and green Adidas'.

I wear them to work the other day and I got more comments on my blue Crocs so I found it necessary to post the benefits of wearing Crocs so I don't have to field any more questions about them.

• Because of the foam composite that makes up the Croc, they're light in weight. In fact, they're almost undetectable once you have them on.
• The ankle strap can be flipped up from the back on the heel to the across the top of the feet. Seen above in the "run" position, it makes it handy when you're 100 miles and runnin' from a po-po.
• The holes on the top and around the base of the shoe keep your feet fully aired out and prevent any uncomfortable sweating.
• And, in the case that you still find a way to sweat in this shoe, they're anti-fungus so you don't have to worry about the even-more-uncomfortable stinkiness.
• Even though they're essentially a foam shoe, they're as durable as leather. You can't destroy them.
• It's a sandal with the support of a shoe. It's a shoe without the pesky laces.
• Being that they are not made of a cloth or leather, cleaning them is easy. Hose them off or, if you're like me, just wear them in the shower and they'll be spic and span in less than a few minutes. Yes, I've worn them in the shower. And I will again. I don't care. You don't know me.

Man, Brand Nubian's In God We Trust keeping the party moving right now. Great album. They were greatly under-appreciated.