Saturday, October 07, 2006


Alright, I won't spoil it (although, if you're a longtime fan like myself, it almost spoils itself), but I went to see The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning last night with Manham and his lovely wife. I'll put it this way, the blood flows like a river. The carnage is almost impossible to keep up with and this man, I'm convinced now, is quite possibly one of the greatest character actors in the game.

For those who don't recognize him, that's the great R. Lee Ermey. From his previous rolls, you might know him as Sgt. Loyce, Gunny, Gny. Sgt. Hartman, Mayor Tilman, Col. Haines, Sgt. Maj. Hafner, Col. Buster Darling, Capt. Phillips, Lt. Ackman, General Kramer, General Bell, Special Agent Landau, Det. Ferguson, General Platt, Sheriff, Judge Clawson, Sgt. Maj. Frank Bougus, Col. Hapablap, Lt. Col. McIntire, Rev. Findley, Preacher Brian, Sgt. Hiles, Sgt. Maj. Sauer, Sen. Pullman T. Fowler, Secretary of the State John Hay, Lt. Fry, Sgt. Goonther, Sherriff Buck, Col. Rosewater, Col. Baker, Sheriff Pike, Gen. Thorton, "Army Sarge," Col. Wilder, Sky Marshall Sanchez, Sarge, Marshall, Coach Norton, Col. O'Malley, Gen. Barnaky, President Benson, Gen. Wallace, Capt. Elias, Sgt. Hobo 678, Col. Thrift, Gen. Sims, Capt. Nichols...but in his contribution to the remake and now the prequel, you know him as Sheriff Hoyt. We'll put it this way, I liked him in the first one, but in the movie I saw him last night, I absolutely fell in love. The dude absolutely murders that role. Sheriff Hoyt is also Leatherface's endearing and caring uncle. You will not find an actor in this day and age who commands the screen better than Ermey. He's a beast.

The movie was bloody, bloody, bloody! It's the prequel that everyone would expect. It's certainly not the greatest movie ever made, but it accomplishes more slash than the 2004 remake, honestly. Timing in at just over 84 minutes, it's the perfect length. It's the theatrical comparitive to a roller coaster: fast, fun and over quick. It's a device used by the producers and directors to reduce the amount of time you have to arrive at the notion that, "Hey, this movie really sucks." With that said, I'm a fan. And this is a true fan piece. I mean, really, you can remake the original, but you can't remake a sequel so you create a prequel and see what more money you can squirrel out of the faithful fans. Well, they didn't get my cash, but that place was packed out and they made some cash money.

Overall, I would score the movie as a "C" and that's only because I'm a fan. I'm compelled to go back and watch the first three from back in the day. I always thought the early Leatherface was much scarier. They since made his chainsaw longer, made him faster, more aggressive. Back in the day, he was a slow, oafy, retarded giant who wore women's faces and chased people around with your typical Sears-Roebuck chainsaw. Dude has a straight up lumberjack chainsaw now and you know Texas ain't got no forests worth cutting down. But oh well, technicality. And the Leatherface from 2004 is like a freaking WWF wrestler. I just know that the thought of something like this chasing me down a road is much more terrifying than the Leatherface they're depicting these days. This is just straight-up creepy.

Funny thing happened at the theater. I received two free passes to the movie from Angry Tim and gave one to Mayhem. I was going to redeem the second one. Remember, it's basically a gift certificate. I had it to the kid in the ticket box and he stares at me like I handed him a cob of corn covered in ketchup and said, "I have a reservation for 154 members of the First Methodist Church to the 10:15 showing of Texas Chainsaw Massacre." The dude stood there and looked at me petrified. I was like, "Crap, did I mistakenly brandish a firearm?! What's the deal?" He walks over to another older cat in the booth and I'm thinking, "He'll know the deal." He looks blankly at the certificate, waves his hands in the air, shakes his head and then goes back to sitting on his stool. After a brief moment, the older cat tosses Youngblood a walkie talkie. They call the manager. I just stand there patient even though the first of the previews are beginning to roll. Five minutes pass and, me, being as patient as I can be finally lean in and say, "My buddy redeemed his for this same showing and apparently had no problems." He mumbled nervously, "It's my first night." Crap. A line begins to form behind me and I really start to unravel. Youngblood notices my shiftiness before I can say anything. "I don't know where she is. I'm sorry." He continues to stare at the gift certificate like, all of the sudden, he'll understand what to do. I'm like, "Stop staring at the thing. If you ain't figured it out yet, you won't."

Finally the manager arrives, looks at the gift certificate, nods, pushes a button on the computer screen and then hands me a ticket and walks off. Once she arrived, it took maybe five seconds at the most. Moments I'll never get back that were spent leaning on a wall, looking at some kid scratch his head on his first night at the movie theater. Oh well. Life is short. Shorter now because of Youngblood.

Bankees go down to the Tigers last night and are now all but eliminated from the Division Series. They play tonight with the Banks on the verge of elimination. Kenny Rogers was en fuego last night striking out eight Spanks on a shut out performance. Incredible. Go Tigers.

Weather update: mild and sunny yesterday. Unfortunately, it was almsot just like predicted, however the difference in the high and low temp resulted in a score of 88. Not bad for the fifth day of the seven day forecast. I'm actually a bit impressed.

Happy Saturday. Go Tigers. Tear 'em apart.


K-Fleet said...

You pretty much pinned it like the other reviews I read. Not the best movie, but plenty of blood for the gorehounds. And, I'd agree, the original Leatherface is better and much creepier.


life just a good

sarahsmile3 said...

Original Leatherface is the stuff nightmares are made of