Wednesday, October 04, 2006

THERE'S ALWAYS THAT GUY VOL 5

You know him, fellas. It's the guy that takes uncomfortable social circumstances to a whole new level. If you're really familiar with him, the below picture haunts you like it does me.


It's Mr. Always in the Urinal Right Next Door guy. Yeah, you take the corner stall (let's say far left in the picture above) and instead of taking far right, he saddles up right next to you. Even worse, sometimes he comes with something to talk about. Look, when I'm in that situation, I can only do one thing at a time and when my zippers down, there's only one thing I intend on doing and it's not talking. And even worse than that, during his enchanting tale that you're not even listening to at this point, he keeps turning his head and attempts to make eye contact which is the absolute end-all in public restroom no-nos.

To me, it's like the guy who didn't learn how to pee with his pants up. You come, turn the corner toward the urinals and bam! there he is with his pants and undies around his ankles. It's that alienating. Don't crowd me at the stalls. I need my elbow room. I need to breathe. I need to pee, so step!

There's a slight variation on this and that's when Mr. Middle Stall beats you there and he's locking down the middle instead of leaning to one side or the other. Usually, I just opt for the sitters, but this cat is basically hogging three urinals by standing in the middle. That's why they don't just put in two urinals. They always allow for that standard "one in the middle" because they know how cats are about that middle stall. There are a few bathrooms I've been in that have three sitters and two urinals--that's just messed up. The ratio there is just backwards.

I present to you Exhibit A:

Notice how, by occupying the two corner stalls, the middle stall is rendered useless because you can't operate a urinal with someone right next to you. This proverbial "man in the middle" will wait until his goofball buddies complete. Please, for the sake of the example, just pretend the middle stall is at regular heighth.

So, do yo boys a favor, and stay away from that middle stall. It's essentially the "no-man's land" of the public restroom. And just because you got there first and don't think anyone's coming in behind you, pod'ner, step to the left because if I come in a 10-cup panic, there better be a trough for me or I'm going to use my punting foot to find me one.

The local NBC affiliate scored a 94 yesterday on Sunday's seven-day forecast. I think today is when it'll get hairy because Sunday's forecast didn't allow much for the "cool" front that's making its way through. Tuesday's score marks a 2-point improvement from Monday's score of 92. The predicted high of 89 degrees was exceeded at 91 degrees. Yuk.

October 23rd. First freeze, folks. B'lee dat. Don't truss dem meteorologists--they don't even know.

Bankees put all $200,000,000 to use last night beating Detroit, 8-4. Then again, Detroit's total payroll is only $82,500,000--about 40% of the Yankees. Either one of the Bankees' second-round opponent will boast a total payroll of about $20,000,000 less than that at around $62,000,000 or 31% of the Bankees.

And Bankee fans, if you're wanting to play the Sox salary card on me, we topped out at $120,000,000 in payroll this year which marks the second year of decreases in payroll. Of the top 25 players in cash, seven of them belong to the Bankees. Only one belongs to the Sox and that'd be Mr. Manny's 50-year contract.

So, here's to even playing fields and Wednesday.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Got a you tube segment regarding Bathroom etiquette. For who need diagrams...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzO1mCAVyMw